The Day the Music Died or The Music Nazis Are after You.

 Do you play the radio, some CD’s, or maybe the MP3 player in your tasting room? Do you have an event with a band? Beware, the music Nazis are out to get you.

Who are the music Nazis? They are the people that collect royalties for artists and composers for copyrighted work. They are called BMI (Broadcast Music Inc.), ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Artists and Producers) and SESAC (which stand for nothing).

BMI and ASCAP are big. They control most of the music you listen to. SESAC controls R&B and gospel music – probably something you don’t play often in your tasting room, but play one song and you owe!

I’m not opposed to paying artists for their work. They deserve it. But, general licensing fees are shared among the top 200 radio plays – not the artists you are playing. So you might play the Eagles and the money goes to Lady Gaga. It is not a fair system. Radio stations keep logs and the money goes to the actual artist.

Most of you are saying you can just ignore them. Wrong! Not only do they have the power of the law (thank you Congress) on their side, they have spies and lots of attorneys. You are guaranteed to lose if you fight the Music Mafia. They make Al Capone look like a bicycle thief.

How much does the Music Mafia want from you to play the radio? It is unclear because individual deals can be negotiated, but about $2500 per year. The price of their product far exceeds the value.

How do I know all this? Last year we started to get letters from SESAC telling us we had to buy their license. We ignored it because all the CDs we were playing were ASCAP and BMI. Then BMI found out that we had live music Saturday afternoon and they wanted their cut. Well, our live music was a Russian composer and artist who played his own copyrighted music, so we didn’t owe them a dime but they continued to get quite nasty. His music is registered with BMI and he finally called them and told them to back off. He can play his own music and sell CDs at our winery if he wishes. BMI backed off. SESAC continues to send letters.

Frankly I don’t like music in the tasting room, but the ladies do so we had to find a solution. Buying three overpriced licenses was out of the question.

One option is Muzac, the people who invented elevator music for the brain-dead. Muzak takes care of all licensing hassles with your contract. Muzak’s website wasn’t really helpful in figuring out a cost and we really didn’t want to treat our customers as brain-dead wine-drinking zombies anyway.

Our solution was quite simple; SiriusXM Radio for business. All licensing is taken care of by SirusXM, so you can tell the music Nazis to chuck off. They offer a large selection of stations to suit your winery ambience including 30 talk-free commercial free Channels just for businesses. Once you buy the internet radio, the cost is $35 per month with no contract.

And people wonder why I am grumpy!

Washington Wine Industry Loses a Pioneer

 You won’t read about M. Taylor Moore (aka Mike Moore) in any of those slick rags about the Washington wine scene. (Well, you might now as a footnote -an obituary.) In fact, his winery is not even listed on the Washington Wine Commission official web site. Mike died September 27, 2011 at age 55. Mike will be missed.

I could tell you lots of stories about Mike, having known him since the inception of Bonair Winery in 1985. But now is not the time to share those stories. These are the stories that make Washington wine interesting, unlike stories about the latest rock star who appears in every glossy publication with the same boring story about handcrafting ultra premium parkerized wine (and who often goes quietly out of business a few years later.)

I got to know Mike because in the old days, everyone (like the owners and winemakers) participated in every event and we being Bonair were always between Blackwood Canyon and Bookwalter in alphabetical order.

I also got to know his wife and father-in-law. His father-in-law was a set painter for the MacGyver TV series which was filmed in British Columbia. They were regulars at Bonair on their way to Blackwood Canyon.

Mike’s 1986 Pinnacle was his first claim to fame. Later, his chardonnay was declared best in the state by none other than Robert Parker. Mike told me he sold out the day of the announcement.

Mike strived to make wines in the old-world style. I find them reminiscent of the wines of Jura; perhaps a style he admired.

People would ask me if they should visit Blackwood Canyon. I always said definitely yes, but be prepared to stay a minimum of three hours. I  thought their visit would be much more memorable than a visit to a corporate-owned tasting room with polite women who announce, “This is a nice white wine.”

So, I propose a toast to M. Taylor Moore – and to all the forgotten pioneers of the Washington wine industry. May they live forever in our hearts and minds!

Yelp Twerps

 Picky picky is about all I can say about people who post on Yelp.com. They are some of the most inane people in the world. Here are some examples from our Yelp comments:

“I would have loved to tried (sic) this winery, but their no dog policy caused us to move on to the next winery” That’s funny. Bung, the Wonder Dog, roams the premises all day. We have a dog park where no leash is required. Oh, you wanted to bring your mutt into the tasting room? All wineries have at least a level III restaurant license. Because we serve food, we have a level II license. Sorry, in the state of Washington, only service animals are allowed in restaurants. Learn the law, dude, and while you are at it get a class in writing.

“I tasted the Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon and the Bung Dog Red and none of them did anything for me, they weren't awful or anything like that I just didn't care for them.  They didn't taste big and bold and fresh I'm not really sure what they tasted like but it didn't do it for me.” This is definitely someone to listen to. “I'm not really sure what they tasted like” Maybe they tasted like wine; then maybe not? Maybe you expected Peppermint Schnapps? Please don’t write about things you don’t know about. Sorry, I forgot. This is Yelp and every dumba$$ is an expert.

“  the prosciutto wrapped shrimp being bad, I like fresh things” Humm. We call fresh prosciutto raw pork. Is that what you expected – fresh-cut raw pork? We are sorry to have disappointed you, but most people like their prosciutto cured (processed) and aged. (The next day she went to I-Hop, which she loved, and couldn’t decide between the Fresh Belgian Waffle and the Fresh large stack of pancakes.) She says she won’t come back. I hope she can keep a promise.

“The group of us were really bothered by how the older man was really condescending to the woman helping us, as he continued to interrupt her” Okay, it was Michelle’s first day and she needed a lot of information. I apologized to her; after all, she is my daughter-in-law and I love her dearly. Yes, the older man was the Grumpy Winemaker, himself!

“  you step into the tasting room and things start to go south. It has a kitschy old world decor that feels very dated and forced, and you're not quite sure if the space is there to support retail merchandise sales or sampling wine.” Okay, you don’t like the tapestries. They are actually there for a reason. With tile floors and hard walls, the room acoustics are awful, so the kitschy old world décor is at least functional. Lighten up for chrisake. Most people head to the gifts first and wine tasting second. (Read on, you are the alcoholic.)

“It wasn't that busy when we arrived, but the hostess immediately assigned everyone to designated locations at the counter, apparently to make things easier for her than optimize the visitor experience.” Duh, our tasting bar is 50 feet long. So you wanted to be at the far end by yourself for a private tasting. By the time you got served, our hostess would have had to walk 6 X 50 or 300 feet, (100 yards, or the length of a football field to serve you.) Our bar is set up for four hosts behind the counter. When we only have one server, use the section that is open a$$hole.

“  there really wasn't anything that spoke to me. I did buy a bottle of their Cab Franc for us to share on the patio just so I could honor my commitment to buy one bottle at every winery we visited, but I wouldn't have otherwise.” I read your whole thread. You tried unlimited wines at a neighboring winery, commented about the generous pours, and came here and drank a bottle of Cabernet Franc. You need alcohol treatment. Same guy, “You're allowed just four meager complimentary tastes from their short list of standard wine selections.” State law limits us to four ounces per customer. We take over-serving seriously. Probably our hostess limited your portions because you already appeared intoxicated and we should not have served you at all.

It is interesting to switch from a business’ post to the poster’s posts. It reveals a lot about the poster – mainly how stupid and opinionated they are.

Basically, Yelp sucks. The people who post are neither helpful nor intelligent. I would suggest using http://www.tripadvisor.com for recommendations. The people who comment there appear much more intelligent and informative.

Are we there yet, Daddy?

There is growing concern over this year’s grape harvest and desired ripeness. Here is the Grumpy Winemaker’s best guess.

As of August 31, 2011 we have accumulated 1882 growing degree days (GDD) in the Rattlesnake Hills. Véraison seems to be in full gear finally and we are getting some sugar. In fact, my Black Manukas are California ripe. (California ripe is defined by the stuff you buy in the grocery store and is never really very sweet because it was picked early for shipping.) In a week they should be edible.

Since the failure of Global Warming, which is now climate change, here is my prediction: In the past five years between September 1 and October 15, we have averaged 465 GDD. The least was in 2007 with 417 GDD and the most was 2010 with 498. Taking the average and adding it to the current GDD I get 2347 GDD for 2011. That is my prediction for the Rattlesnake Hills and I am sticking to it.

2300 GDD is the minimum in my experience for ripening Bordeaux varieties beyond vegetative flavors. In other words, we will squeak by and harvest everything by November 1.

I did not have time to do the calculations for other areas. Red Mountain, Wahluke, and Horse Heaven should be fine. Prosser Flats, on the other hand might be a bit short.

Looking for Véraison

For those of you not in the wine industry, Véraison is not a sexy French chick; it is when the grapes start to ripen. The black grapes take on color and the white grapes turn translucent. This usually happens the second week of August in the Rattlesnake Hills AVA. So far, we have a little véraison in Merlot, Gewürztraminer, and Black Manukas (an early seedless table grape). I have even checked out the big boys’ vineyards where they are cropped back to two tons per acre to make that big, high alcohol, Parker-style wine and they don’t have véraison either. Late harvest Cabernet, anyone?

As you probably already know, it has been a very cold summer in the Pacific Northwest. How cold was it you ask? We count our growing season by Growing Degree Days or GDD. Let’s look at this summer. We have accumulated 1591 GDD between April 1 and August 19. Most people aren’t old timers in the Washington wine industry like me, but I remember the summer of 1993 – known as the summer that never came. That summer by August 19 we had accumulated 1695 GDD. We are about 100 GDD behind the coldest summer in my 31 year career in the Washington wine industry. By the way, there were no spectacular wines from 1993. The newcomers considered 2010 a cool year and we had accumulated 1880 GDD by now. In a normal year we should have about 2000 GDD by August 19. I would guess we are about 3 weeks behind. It looks like Al Gore packed up his global warming and took it back to Tennessee. Climate change, anyone?

Prosser Flats, unlike the Rattlesnake Hills, only has 1356 GDD on August 19. Red Mountain, on the other hand, has 1716 – better, but still no cigar.

We need at least 2300 GDD to harvest Bordeaux varieties, but we would prefer at least 2600 GDD for optimum quality. We are presently getting around 20 GDD per day.The next five days are forecast to be above average and that is good news. A long warm fall can save our butts.

One the bright side, unlike some AVAs in the state, we do have grapes!

More Federal Regulation Stupidity

We have in the past used pyrotechnic devices to protect the vineyards from marauding birds. But, the Federal Government, in all of its wisdom, has classified them as high explosives and we need a bunker as pictured here to store them. Always before, a box of 50 was stored in the pickup where they are used from. See some birds, launch a screamer and they would leave.

I also have to get a federal explosives license, the same one used for dynamite. This involves being finger printed, photographed, and interviewed by an ATF agent.
If I see some birds in the vineyard, I have to go to the bunker and log out a screamer shell, drive back to the vineyard and fire it if the birds are still there. If not, I have to drive back to the bunker and log it back in.
Funny thing, around the Fourth of July, I can buy bigger explosives from the Indians down on the reservation. Yep, M-80’s, no problemo. Or, consider this; I can buy a 5-pound can of black powder from a gun store without a license.
These little ‘bird bangers’ are a pistol launched firecracker or racket cartridge. They contain less than ½ ounce of black powder.
Obviously, I’m not going to build a bunker to store some firecrackers. This year the old shot gun comes out. Next year, I’ll buy a bunch of bottle rockets from the Indians. They can be launched from a PVC tube and should work just fine.
If you are looking for stupidity, look no further than your federal government.

Bureaucrats

I haven’t been really grumpy lately, until I went to pick up some spray from our local farm store. As usual, I arrived with my 55 gallon drum strapped in the back of the pickup for the Omni oil. Omni oil is highly refined mineral oil (baby oil) with an adjuvant that allows it to be mixed with water. For a lot more money, it comes in an organic formulation for farmers who want to fool city people into believing that ‘organic’ produce is never sprayed with pesticides. Instead, they send hippie children and spaced-out hippie chicks in long dresses out to the fields to pick the leaf hoppers off the vines by hand while rainbows dance overhead. You’ve got to love the myth.
Back to the story. I was informed by Randy that they could no longer fill my drum with baby oil. Due to new federal regulations, I had to a) buy it in 2 ½ gallon jugs, b) 30 gallon drums, or c) rent one of their totes with a minimum of 50 gallons fill. They were out of 30 gallon drums, so I rented a tote and bought 70 gallons – enough for two applications.
The first tote leaked, so we had to get another and transfer the contents into the second one, a somewhat messy process. The appropriate ‘Pesticide label’ was applied to my baby oil and away I went.
When I got home, the back of the truck was covered with oil. Mind you, when I put it in my own container I never spilled a drop. But some dumbass bureaucrat in DC decided that they had a better idea and forced it on the nation. Thank you USDA. I feel safer about my food and the environment already. Keep up the good work. At this rate, our food supply might be safe by 2090 – that is if we have any food in 2090. Maybe that’s the plan. No food is safe food. People can’t get food borne illnesses if they don’t eat. Makes sense to me.
Not only is our country broke, it is broken and since we have the best congress money can buy, there is no hope.
As the Chad Mitchell Trio once sang:
“Should I write my congressman?”
“Each Congressman has two ends, a sitting end and a thinking end. And since his whole success depends upon his seat, why bother, friend?”