Thursday, September 26, 2013

Do you want me to hate you? or what not to say in the tasting room.

Our tasting room 'wine wench' was seeking a partridge in a pear tree when she fell from the ladder and shattered her forearm, so I have been working tasting room a lot lately. Most people are nice and considerate and fun to talk to, but the few that aren't drive me to go into the back room to look at the sign that says, “My face hurts from pretending to like you.” Here are some of the things not to say.

“I'm just tasting today. I'll be back tomorrow to buy.” You are lying. You are an outright liar. Tomorrow, you won't even remember the name of the wineries you visited today, let alone drive all the way back out here from Yakima, Prosser, or the Tri-cities to buy a bottle of wine. Are you trying to make me feel good? Well, you are not. You are making me hate you. Oh yes, it did happen once. The person did come back and buy, but it is better to surprise me than make me hate you for 24 hours.

“We're just getting started, so we're not buying now.” Oh, I get it. You are going to taste Chardonnay flavor, Cabernet flavor, Riesling flavor, and Cola flavor and you are going to buy a bottle of the flavor you like best at the last winery you visit at the end of the day. Thanks for nothing. Why not just say “thank you” for wasting the last hour of my time and get out of my face.

“I didn't find anything that turned me on.” Am I missing something here? Are you looking for an aphrodisiac or wine? There are some hookers on First Street, why don't you find one and see what she can do for you. I doubt if she will give samples away for free like I did. Or just stop by a porn shop and save me time to work with real customers.

“Well, that's really different.” No, it really isn't. I have judged hundreds of wines and that wine is not 'really different.' It is varietally correct and not flawed. Perhaps you had a wine with high volatile acidity at the last winery or perhaps a lot of brettanomyces. Maybe it was the gum you were chewing when you walked in. I guess then it might be really different, but your comment shows more ignorance than insight.

“We're from Canada and can't take anything home with us.” Yes you can. If you go into BC, you can take two bottles without paying tax and duty. You can declare your purchase pay tax and duty. If you go into AB, you can take about 3 cases with you and pay minimal tax. You can also drink it here in the 'Sunny Soothlund.' Drink it in your hotel room. Take it to dinner and pay the corkage fee (Yakima has a corkage-free zone for locally purchased wine). I think you really meant to say you are a cheapskate. Lots of Canadians do buy wine.

“What's your best wine?” Well, our only good wine is the Sunset pink table wine. The rest is just crap we bottle. I was suckered on this one a long time ago. I poured our Cabernet. The woman puckered up badly and exclaimed, “don't you have anything sweeter?” The answer is always the same, “The wine you like best is our best wine.” so don't ask or I might just pour you Sunset, our answer to White Zin. It might be a good guess or a bad one if you expected our $40 Cab Sauv.

“I'm looking for big reds.” You just ran your finger nails across the blackboard. So what does that mean? You want alcohol over 15%? You want no noticeable tannins? Flabby, with no acid? A sweetness on the palate? Lack of varietal character? Overripe raisin/jammy flavors? Sorry, we don't make cocktails, we make wine - a food product that is made to go with food. What you should have said is, “I haven't a clue, but I think I'll impress you by saying 'big reds.'” or “I only drink wine Robert Parker says is good.”

“Well, I didn't like that!” Keep your trap shut and your opinions to yourself. I'd rather not know than hate you. I'm going into the back look and look at the sign.

The people who don't pay the reserve wine tasting fee of $5 up front and walk away from the counter like they are going to select a wine to buy, then sneak out the door when you aren't looking. You are basically a shop lifter, a crook, I'd like to see you rot in jail.

If you work in a tasting room, please share your 'favorite' customers.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Veraison in the Rattlesnake Hills

July 22, Veraison in the Rattlesnake Hills! Yep, with perfect weather, veraison is starting here. The forecast is for continuing temperatures in the low to mid 90s. Disease pressure is low. This is shaping up to be a banner year. Hard to be grumpy about this.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Drought in the Rattlesnake Hills

A customer came through last weekend who was returning from Walla Walla. A tasting room employee there said they felt sorry for the Rattlesnake Hills because our grapes weren't going to be any good this year because of the drought. Drought? We get six inches annual rainfall – less than Phoenix, Arizona. We wouldn't recognize a drought even if it didn't rain for months. Saying there is a drought in the Rattlesnake Hills is like saying it rains in Seattle. Who starts these rumors anyway and why?
Hardly drought stressed. Note the large leaves and long node spacing.
All the grapes in the Rattlesnake Hills are irrigated either by wells or the Yakima Basin Water Project. The only drought that somewhat affects us is a drought in the Cascade Mountains and there isn't one this year. Snow pack is near normal and the reservoirs are full. Water is plentiful.
Even this old Cabernet vineyard planted in 1968 is alive and well.

 We had some temperatures over 90 a couple of weeks ago and we got two weeks of growth in two days. The grapes are in full bloom this week - a week early. It is starting out to be a banner year.

Last week we got an unprecedented two inches of rain, so we can skip an irrigation cycle or two. It looks like deficit irrigation will start early this year since we have so much cane growth already.
Don't feel sorry for us. My rain gauge says we've had 8.05 inches in the last 365 days. Mushrooms are growing in the sagebrush. With no spring frosts, we will have plenty of high quality grapes for the Walla Walla wineries.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Top 10 Reasons Robert Parker Quit

All of the real wine bloggers have had their take on this subject, so I just thought I would add my take based upon no knowledge whatsoever.
10. He got tired of making up nonsensical phrases like “burnt Macaoan oak sliding like velvet on the tongue.” In fact the word 'horseshit' seemed to keep popping up more often than not.

9. The sheer number of wineries (over 775 at last count in Washington State alone) made selecting a few to review meaningless. In fact, even owning a winery is getting to be meaningless.

8. Circulation was down. He could see the writing on the wall. Not only did the recession cut into wine buyers discretionary spending on unnecessary items like the Advocate, they didn't have the big bucks to blow on overpriced wines that Parker reviewed. $6.87 at World of Wine? Hell, I can't tell the difference.

7. People don't care anymore. They don't need self-appointed professionals to tell them what they should be drinking. Wine drinkers in America have come of age. In fact, all wine publications are in trouble. Same old boring stories, same old boring reviews. Was it the '05 or '06 Shithouse Creek Cellars Merlot that got a 98? Hey, here is a '04 in the bargain bin. Must not be selling.

6. He got tired of free junkets to Bordeaux and having his boots licked by the Chinese. Chinese? Yes, it's a fact, the Chinese are buying up Bordeaux. Sacra Merde!

5. The insurance on his nose went up. Insuring his nose was going to cost more than his membership in the bar. He could make more by chasing ambulances.

4. He really prefers cocktails. (with hints of crème de Cacao, vanilla extract, and sweetness on the tongue.) (Read The Billionaires Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace.)

3. It got too hard to sort wine by bottle weights. Many wineries in their effort to 'go green' are using light-weight eco glass. It took too much effort to sort through all those wines in light-weight glass. You could no longer just pour out the wine and weigh the bottle.

2. Tax laws changed in 2013, so he got more in 2012 even if he took a hit on price.
And the number one reason:

He got a pile of money he couldn't refuse.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Annual Growing Degree Days

Each year since the approval of the Rattlesnake Hills AVA, I have reported the Growing Degree Days (GDD) for the major AVAs in Washington State. By major, I mean the ones where most of the grapes are grown – not discounting the importance of others. This all started because a group of people insisted that the area north of Prosser (Sagebrush Ridge) was the same climatically as the proposed Rattlesnake Hills AVA. Well, we proved them wrong and are still doing it.
Funny, one of our detractors who said he would ‘never put Rattlesnake Hills’ on his label, is planting ten additional acres of grapes in the AVA. He already has a vineyard here. Well, just keep putting Yakima Valley on your label and nobody will know where you grow your grapes. They could come from the Fort Road west of Toppenish for all anyone knows. Ah, but that would be too cowboy.
After a slow spring, it was a very good year for everyone. Rain was a factor in Walla Walla (as usual) and everywhere toward the end of the season. Those who sprayed for bunch rot were fine. Our Chardonnay and Pinot Noir came off before the rains, but the Riesling needed the extra spray.
Here is the summary:


Red Mountain
Sagebrush Ridge
Walla Walla
Horse Heaven
As usual, Wahluke is the workhorse AVA of the state. With a solid achor in Region III it is a consistent producer for wineries large and small.
Red Mountain, Horse Heaven, and Rattlesnake Hills all tied for second in a three-way tie with no statistical difference. These three AVAs are the major producers of top Bordeaux Reds, but also workhorses of major wineries like Ste. Michelle, Gallo, and Constellation. Gallo bought everything they could get their hands on in the Rattlesnake Hills.
Walla Walla suffered spring and summer thunder storms and fall rains. With about 2700 GDD, they ripened all their grapes. This is a tough place to grow grapes, but those who succeed get well rewarded.
Sagebrush Ridge (not an AVA, but could be one if anyone cared) came in barely in Region II with 2559 GDD. With less the 5 inches rainfall, this is a prime area for Pinot Noir, Pinot Gris, Chardonnay, Riesling and other cool climate whites that benefit from the dry climate.
This was a vintage year all over the state. Can’t wait? Bonair Winery will be releasing the 2012 Riesling in January!