10. He got tired of
making up nonsensical phrases like “burnt Macaoan oak sliding like velvet on
the tongue.” In fact the word 'horseshit' seemed to keep popping up more often
than not.
9. The sheer number of
wineries (over 775 at last count in Washington State alone) made selecting a few to
review meaningless. In fact, even owning a winery is getting to be meaningless.
8. Circulation was down.
He could see the writing on the wall. Not only did the recession cut into wine
buyers discretionary spending on unnecessary items like the Advocate,
they didn't have the big bucks to blow on overpriced wines that Parker
reviewed. $6.87 at World of Wine? Hell, I can't tell the difference.
7. People don't care
anymore. They don't need self-appointed professionals to tell them what they
should be drinking. Wine drinkers in America have come of age. In fact, all
wine publications are in trouble. Same old boring stories, same old boring
reviews. Was it the '05 or '06 Shithouse Creek Cellars Merlot that got a 98?
Hey, here is a '04 in the bargain bin. Must not be selling.
6. He got tired of free
junkets to Bordeaux and having his boots licked by the Chinese. Chinese? Yes,
it's a fact, the Chinese are buying up Bordeaux. Sacra Merde!
5. The insurance on his
nose went up. Insuring his nose was going to cost more than his membership in
the bar. He could make more by chasing ambulances.
4. He really prefers
cocktails. (with hints of crème de Cacao, vanilla extract, and sweetness on the
tongue.) (Read The
Billionaires Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace.)
3. It got too hard to
sort wine by bottle weights. Many wineries in their effort to 'go green' are
using light-weight eco glass. It took too much effort to sort through all those
wines in light-weight glass. You could no longer just pour out the wine and
weigh the bottle.
2. Tax laws changed in
2013, so he got more in 2012 even if he took a hit on price.
And the number one
reason:
He got a pile of money
he couldn't refuse.
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