Tuesday, June 30, 2015

You Can't Fix Stupid

Ron White does a comedy routine where he says you can fix most anything these days. You can even take a woman to the boob store and say, "I want those boobs on this woman." But, "You can't fix stupid."
Take the guy that wanted to buy red grape juice to make red wine. I patiently explained that the juice of red (really black) grapes is clear and that the best he might get is a light rosé from freshly pressed juice.  No, he insisted that he bought red grape juice in Seattle all the time to make wine. I explained the process of heating the must on the skins to 130o to extract the color and then pressing off the juice to sell to clueless amateur winemakers, but nobody in Washington uses this method to make red wine. Red wine comes from fermenting the must with the skins which contain the color pigments for making red wine. He continued to argue, so I mentioned Teinturier grapes and that he might find someone in the state that grows them, since almost every know variety of grapes is grown somewhere in the state. No, he insisted he wanted red MERLOT juice. Dude, it ain't gonna happen. You can't fix stupid.
A couple of weeks ago a lady came into the tasting room and wanted to taste the fresh wine we just made. We have a 2014 Riesling and that is as fresh as it gets. No, she wanted to taste the wine we made last week. She knew we made wine every week. No, lady, 2014 is as fresh as it gets. If she couldn't taste any fresh wine, she wanted to taste the grapes we use to make the fresh wine with. You just walked through the vineyard to get to the tasting room, those little green things about the size of BBs are grapes. They will be ripe in September. Come back then. Since we didn't have 'fresh' wine, she wanted to know where a winery was that had fresh wine. Try New Zealand. You can't fix stupid.
A woman last week (this is written in June) emailed several wineries that she would be over from Seattle to buy 20 lbs. of wine grapes this coming weekend.
With the advent of 747 food, Americans are totally clueless about agriculture. They think that because Safeway has grapes year-round, wineries in the northern hemisphere, where it gets down to zero in the winter time, have grapes year round. They also believe that organic produce is not sprayed with pesticides!
Damn you Ron White! You really can't fix stupid!

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